


The List or Proof of Potter's Mis-sorting

by Genuka



Series: Evil Overlord Spawned Fics [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bunny Farm Escapee, Evil Overlord's List, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Potter Luck, Random Updates, Rating May Change, Sane!Voldemort, Tags May Change, Umbridge Bashing, Warnings May Change, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-02-08 07:03:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12859320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genuka/pseuds/Genuka
Summary: What would happen if Draco found the Evil Overlord's Guide in Harry's school bag and panicked?Everything changes.





	1. Stolen Parchment

**Author's Note:**

Draco smirked as his plan to distract Potter in preparation for later mischief seemed to be coming along nicely. His regal blond appearance complemented his noble bearing as he watched his rival that even now he would rather have as a friend. His rival (lost friend) had bent his messy black mop to aim those brilliant emerald eyes at his godfather's latest Potions assignment. Draco Malfoy, in his infinite teenage wisdom, carefully levitated his rival's papers from Harry's book bag into his own. Smugly the blond turned back to his own work, planning on how to use the captured parchment once he knew what class it was for or if he just traded it back for a favor. He never suspected that this simple theft in their ongoing rivalry would change the world as he knew it.

Hours later Draco finally had the chance to examine his spoils. There were several bunches of parchment, enough for the blond to smugly guess he had taken the work and/or notes for at least three classes. Indeed, most of what he had were notes and a homework assignment. The last though, that one turned his life on its head.

_The Evil Overlord's Guide_ was proudly displayed at the top of the aberrant parchment followed quickly by a list. The contents of the list made Draco's eyes narrow in immediate suspicion. The notes next to various list points made him swallow _hard_.

> _Does Voldy know any of this? Should I try to tell him?_   
>  _No wonder Dumbledore wears bright robes!_   
>  _I am **NEVER** showing this to Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione, or the Twins. Dumbledore would use it as an excuse to throw me at yet  another deadly adventure he concocted. Hermione would lecture me to death over the apparent idiocy spelled out. Ron would complain that he wasn't a sidekick while stuffing his face. The Twins... would take it as a challenge... Maybe I should show the twins anyway?_   
> 

  
The comment about introducing the _Weasley Twins_ of all people to such an appallingly Slytherin list that would make them _more_ effective made Draco shiver in dread. It also firmed his resolve to bring his father and godfather in on the situation. Potter was obviously in the wrong house and the injustice would have to be rectified, post haste.

A hasty duplication of the list netted him several copies and a detour had Potter's "lost" homework turned in to the right Professor. Meanwhile, the notes remained as future hostages just in case he needed to force Potter into talking to him later. A quick scrawl in the linked messaging journal alerted his father to the situation faster than an owl could have delivered an official letter, complete with a reminder of Harry's Parselmouth status.

A message on the announcement board briefly explained to his housemates that he might have found a way to claim Parselmouth Potter for Slytherin house. Something of which he was informing their Head of House immediately. The message also warned that if they heard the Weasley twins talking about an "Evil Overlord List/Guide" they needed to be kidnapped and either inducted as honorary Slytherins and/or taken to Professor Snape.

The last step as he came to stand outside of his godfather's office was to not get his head bitten off by the Potions Master. A deep breath and a mental argument that it had to be done had him stepping into the older wizard's office, head held high.

"Draco?" Severus Snape asked, looking up from his grading to find his godson standing just inside the door to his office.

"Uncle... Potter may have slipped and _proven_ his true skin is scales covered by a pelt," Draco told the man solemnly. He handed over a copy of what he now realized was only a partial list and watched his godfather take in not only its contents but the implications.

"You have permission to campaign for Mr. Potter's resort. This is on the condition that should he be placed in our house the safe haven rules will apply and he will be exempt from any foolish status games. The House may teach him what he needs to know in that regards but he is to be exempt from any attempts from within our house until graduation. I will present the evidence to the Dark Lord and see if we can earn a chance to open his eyes or at least investigate further," Snape informed the younger blond. His eyes were tight in hidden distress.

"He... may be an injured snake sir, mortally wounded even. He also might need the twin demons to go with him," Draco pointed out carefully.

"Of course he would," Severus muttered before sighing and addressing his godson. "You may petition for them as well but no one else is currently eligible for our house. I won't argue if you use teaching Longbottom proper Slytherin brewing procedures as a way to get Potter to consider the re-sort. The other two members of the so-called golden trio _will_ object as will Ginerva Weasley, something you will have to take into account. I would also recommend arranging for the goblins to flush his system of any potential potions and healing anything the school nurse has missed or been banned from healing. _If_ you can kidnap him to my office and make a sufficient argument at the time I will openly check him. Should you do so the house must be on alert for an emergency leave taking along with everything that entails."

"Understood," Draco acknowledged with a hard swallow.

"Draco the preference will be to get him under our house protection so that we can get him trained up with a chance at survival. If that just so happens to give him the tools to solve his issue with the Dark Lord as an in house matter all the better. If nothing else it might cut down on the potential bloodshed," Severus explained carefully. "This list, whether of his own creation or something that fell into his hands and he commented on, means we _cannot_ leave him in clumsy Gryffindor hands."

"I already sent a letter to father... I still want to be his friend," Draco admitted.

"Then drop the mask, engage him in conversation, don't threaten him with anything, ask questions about his life, offer a truce and stick to it, help his friends in some way. You could even offer him help with no strings for him but possibly a penalty for you if you slip. To start you could figure out something he needs for some reason and get it for him but don't be offended if he doesn't seem to appreciate it. He may need to do something about it whether because he has needed to adopt a mask to protect himself in the lion's den or you have been his school enemy for so long. I will allow you the opening moves," Snape informed the younger blond.

"Thank you Uncle," Draco said gratefully.

"I will contact your father and the Dark Lord while you campaign within the house," Snape instructed, openly dismissing him. Draco nodded and left.

A flick of the wrist and a softly spoken command had his office sealed. The dark teacher slumped over his desk rubbing at his face in a mix of tiredness and frustration. He now knew that Potter had been in more danger than ever expected every single day at the school. The vow that Dumbledore had tricked him into on that fateful Halloween night was tugging at him, whispering urgently to protect the younger wizard. Severus suddenly stilled, it wasn't just the vow to Dumbledore but the Dark Mark and its loyalty oath. There was something potentially terrifying going on here and he would have to choose which insane master to bring it up with. Thankfully his third sane master had no idea he answered to him but that might be changing shortly. What a mess!

Slytherins found hidden in other houses were sometimes discovered and when that happened it could turn very ugly, especially when it came to the Gryffindor response. The possibility that _Potter_ was one such hidden snake meant that, if proven, the reaction would be magnified. This was especially true after what had happened in the past several years and was added to with the current ministry smear campaign. The pink bitch that called herself a defense professor was also going to be a problem.

The flare of his fire in bright green and the familiar form of Draco's father stepping through had Severus forcing himself back into his normal persona.

"Severus, my son sent me something highly interesting," Lucius informed him, brandishing the freshly opened letter. A glimpse at one of the parchments showed a duplicate of the list Draco had given him and also the reason why the man rushed to the school. The blatant use of the man's school governor authorities to get through the wards was actually somewhat expected if not so quickly.

"Yes, I am aware. He was literally just in here. I had planned to contact you in preparation to bring it to the Dark Lord's attention," Severus explained tiredly. He relaxed just enough to slump in his chair as Lucius took the chair opposite him after briefly charming it into something more comfortable.

"What are we going to do? Dumbledore won't stand for a Slytherin Savior, damn the consequences, and the Dark Lord isn't exactly sane or if he is he is hiding it well. My position as ministry spy in the Dark ranks and yours in both ranks is..." Lucius started, building up a good head of steam.

"Immaterial," Severus interrupted. "Both my vow to Dumbledore and the Dark Mark are urging me to protect the boy. Thankfully the vow was worded to protect Harry rather than serve Dumbledore even if the old bastard used it as a club to force me to do things. The Dark Mark on the other hand has too much of the Dark Lord's magic in it... We will have to bring Minerva and Filius in on this. As you know I identified her as an Unspeakable assigned to watch the old coot just as Filius was assigned by the goblins. This... possibility never occurred to anyone with Dumbledore's assurances blinding us all."

"We have to convince the Dark Lord to go to the goblins for healing and potentially to try to salvage Potter for the dark," Lucius pointed out quietly, having calmed down to listen to his friend.

"We also have to get the ministry _bitch_ Umbridge to back off. I have no proof but I suspect she is hurting the students and I _know_ she is targeting Potter worst of all. The vow _aches_ every time he has detention with her but she has threatened most of the staff with Azkaban along with several students that I know of. He has also started some sort of Defense study group in defiance of that woman," Severus groused, slipping further in his chair.

"Use her hatred to get him resorted, use it as a way to possibly turn Potter away from Dumbledore," Lucius urged. "I'll go back over the press releases and see if Mr. Potter actually ever talked to anyone or if the old fool is putting words in his mouth, which is more likely."

"You understand that the situation may turn disturbing if not dangerous? Neither of us has been close to Potter except as enemies but I know you noticed something just as I did even if I can't put my finger on it. The way the old goat forces me to act to supposedly _ground_ Potter. Not to mention that constantly reminding me of his father doesn't help me see him as simply Harry," Severus pointed out to his friend and ally.

"Yes, I understand," Lucius agreed. If Dumbledore hadn't kidnapped Harry and placed him in hiding Lucius would have made sure he was adopted into the Malfoy family and Draco would have grown up as his brother. "If Potter hasn't actually spoken to the press we can use it as leverage to get him free of Dumbledore. Maybe insist on an investigation on the grounds that he isn't protecting Potter but actually using one of the older versions of line theft? The kidnapping of an Heir and raising them as enemies of their family or of the established governing body? He's young enough that if it actually is the case than we can explain things to him and help him through the betrayal. I doubt the man was actually using the even older Asian model of turning him into a personal weapon/assassin who would eventually be ordered to commit suicide in some fashion."

"If he was using that variant then he may be worse than an insane Dark Lord," Severus shuddered. "If that is the case than the only thing that would have been keeping him from proper genocide levels is the fact that he _is_ winning and in control. It might even prove that the Dark Lord was right in his actions, if on the insane and vicious side."

"The Dark Lord wasn't always like this. Actually come to think of it if I didn't know so much about the situation I would think that the Headmaster did something to the Dark Lord so that he would slip into insanity," Lucius pointed out sadly.

"An old discussion for another day," Severus pointed out. "I've allowed Draco to campaign for Potter and the Weasley twins to be re-sorted into our house under the haven rules. I will also start handing out detentions to him like candy again. It might keep him from being in the bitch's reach. If I do it right he will become less hostile after a few detentions. The two youngest Weasleys and Granger are going to be a problem, especially with the way Ginerva keeps chasing him and trying to make him jealous."

"Then we know what to do and the next meeting the two of us will not only report on Potter in full but point out that he might be turned," Lucius said with a grimace. He was _not_ looking forwards to being cursed for the suggestion.

"I _can't_ tell Dumbledore about this so make sure that precautions are taken. Use Bellatrix if you must but telling the old man would put Potter at further risk and I can't be sure he doesn't have another spy," Severus stressed to his old friend. He knew that requesting the restriction would put him in a great deal of pain but it would also keep his charge _alive_.

"And you already admitted that both vow and mark are pulling you to protect him," Lucius agreed with a frown of concern. "Very well. I don't like it but I can't argue with your logic. I will see you at the meeting this weekend."

"At the meeting," Severus agreed as he saw his friend back through the floo.


	2. Morning Machinations

The next morning Severus noticed the suddenly interested looks from his house aimed at Potter across the breakfast tables. It came with increased looks of wariness aimed at Dumbledore and more horrified looks than usual aimed at the man's robes. This told him that Draco had posted a copy of the partial list and was using it as part of the reason to rescue Potter from the lion's den. That was fine with Snape since he had his own copy and planned to get the rest of the list as soon as possible. Section A only imparted part of the Slytherin wisdom after all. Though he had to concede to himself that Sec. A #29 was probably more apt than anyone wanted to openly admit, the bright clothing really did throw people off.

"It is such a pity that Potter isn't in my house. I could have taught him proper respect even if it would take a bit of work. He most certainly wouldn't be running wild as he is even now," Severus commented idly about half way through breakfast. His gesture towards Harry was highlighted by the fact that he was attempting to escape the twins and was literally running around the table to escape, laughing.

"You dare!" Minerva started in clear outrage only to be cut off by the Potions Master.

"If you have an issue with my morning conversation Minerva then we can discuss it after breakfast, provided you bring Filius so that he can keep us from drawing wands over the issue. Incidentally it really is a pity that it takes the student, his guardian, the Headmaster, all four Heads of House, or a mix of all of them requesting it to get a re-sort. Ah well, I can always try correcting him in the limited time provided by detention," Severus lamented. His plan was simple get the pink one to force a re-sort. If nothing else it would put Potter in a safer house or it would reduce suspicion among the lions by confirming a second time that he belonged there.

"Really? How... interesting!" Umbridge said brightly, giving off one of her horrible giggles that sent chills down everybody's spines. Severus ignored the glares from McGonagall and the looks of speculation from Flitwick in favor of finishing his morning coffee. Breakfast was a long one after that with many glares aimed Severus' way. Thankfully those glares seemed to just reaffirm the idea in Umbridge's mind. Hook, Line, and Sinker.

The empty dungeon classroom Severus led his fellow teachers to after breakfast was a bit of a surprise as they had both expected to meet in his office. The wards and spells cast to secure the room even more so but the dour man's next words were an outright shock.

"Before we begin I must inform you both I know that you are spying for the Unspeakables and Goblins respectively. As Minerva knows, I too am a spy. What she doesn't know is that I have _three_ masters not two," Severus said tensely after securing the room. He wasn't surprised in the least to find himself pinned against the wall at wand point and disarmed to boot. At least he still had the knife in the top of his... no, Filius saw it and snagged it.

"You are playing a very dangerous game me lad," Minerva told him seriously, glaring at her friend.

"I know but it keeps Potter alive," Severus gasped. Those words seemed to do the trick as his friends relaxed a bit, letting him step away from the wall and catch his breath. No one commented on the fact that the wands were still raised and Severus was still disarmed.

"Explain," Filius ordered shortly once Severus had his breath back.

"I... Dumbledore forced me into an Unbreakable Vow of Protection for Harry Potter the night his parents died. This was part of the price I hadn't been told for trying to save Lily. When I came to Dumbledore to defect I knew that saving Lily also meant saving her child but it wasn't something I admitted to. James wasn't my primary concern because he had made himself an open target as an Auror. Both Dumbledore and the Dark Lord believe my goal was only to save Lily, no one else. They couldn't be farther from the truth. I became a spy situated in both camps. I also discovered a ministry spy in the the Dark Lord's camp prior to all of this and had become one of his informants as a friend. Dumbledore's rescue of me from Azkaban was a test that he both passed and failed. My magic and I don't see him or the Dark Lord as our true master," Severus explained carefully. "The reason I came to the two of you, to bring you in on the situation is that Draco has found proof that Potter should have been in Slytherin. Both of you know that the old coot won't stand for a Slytherin Savior. To top it off both my vow and my Dark Mark are urging me to protect him. We are missing something, something _important_. My contact and I plan to try to get the Dark Lord to not only go to the goblins for healing this weekend but allow us to work on protecting Potter. It will be presented as an attempt to subvert him."

"Oh you young _fool!_ Have ye no brains then?! Dumbledore will try to keep the lad at _any cost_. His position is currently unstable on top of it all!" Minerva growled as she spun away to pace, leaving Filius as the only one with a wand on Severus. The Potion Master didn't even try to move. The smal Charms Master was deadly with a wand after all.

"Which is why I will return cursed not to say anything about the attempt and because I will be forced to reveal what my vow is and what both vow and mark are doing. You need to be aware that if this works I will likely return half dead and if it doesn't than I will be closer to dead than alive should I survive at all. Potter is going to need the two of you to stand as his defense," Severus told them flatly.

"Who is your third master? The ministry?" Filius asked in a hard voice.

"Potter, not that he is aware of it," Severus shot back. "My move this morning to get him into Slytherin will give him greater protection at school and possibly outside of it as well."

"Now I am," Harry said flatly, revealing himself and dropping his father's cloak only to find himself dodging a curse from McGonagall. Snape lunged to protect him as soon as he revealed himself only to be hexed by the petite Charms Master into a petrified lump on the floor, aware but unable to move.

"What was he talking about? Getting me into Slytherin? And being his Master? I'm no one's master," Harry demanded suspiciously.

"He made a comment at breakfast that could get him put in charge of you if Umbridge takes it a certain way. As to being his master, I am afraid that I don't have enough information on that to answer. It is likely that he meant he bound himself to your choices and that he is trying to keep you alive," Professor Flitwick explained carefully. Harry looked at them suspiciously before turning towards Snape.

"So Draco _did_ give you the list and, surprise surprise, you didn't go running to Dumbledore. You also just tried to keep me alive... again. I bet you figured out there is more to the list than what he snagged. The question is who are you really loyal to and what to do with you. Decisions, decisions," Harry said coolly. "But then if the Dark Mark is actually reacting as you say... it might react on someone else forcing you to report it or get cursed for failing to report it. You aren't Dumbledore's but I'm not sure that you are mine either."

"How is he _not_ in Slytherin?" McGonagall muttered quietly in disbelief to the part goblin.

"No idea. You do realize that we are next?" Filius muttered back.

"Oh aye. I ken that. I have buried authorizations. You?" McGonagall answered.

"The same," Filius admitted. "Contingent upon discovery but the same."

"I'd say we've been discovered me lad," McGonagall observed.

"Undoubtedly, now to see what he will do about it," Filius said and pointedly turned back to interrogation of the Potions Master.

"You've seen me as a snotty firsty but there _are_ things you don't know about me. It took a bit of effort to figure out a way to look in your pensive while being caught and end those Occlumency lessons. What didn't take me long was figuring out that you were being restricted in your teaching methods or that you had no idea I already had defenses. You weren't seeing anything I felt the need to seriously protect from you and you had absolutely _no idea_. To be fair even _I_ didn't know I had been practicing Occlumency for years before we started our lessons. The point isn't to gloat but to make it clear you've only seen my mask, not me. Now, my question Potion Master Snape is... do you want to? Do you want to see _me_? Not my father, not my fame, not the criminal the Dursleys and the ministry portray me as... _Me_. Well Professor?" Harry asked canceling the petrification with a burst of startling power so that Snape could answer.

Snape went boneless and took a minute to slowly raise himself into a sitting position on the floor, carefully watching his charge for something indefinable.

"Yes, I want to see you but do you want to see _me_?" Severus asked levelly as he faced his student.

"I think we understand each other," Harry answered back cryptically. The way Snape relaxed and bowed his head answered that question.

"That didn't answer anything!" McGonagall complained quietly.

"He was Voldy's man but at some point he became mine. He never belonged to Dumbledore," Harry answered absently. "He also expects me to treat him as a servant who betrayed his master and punish him, something that will need to be dealt with later. We don't have time before classes and I need time to think about it. Please return his wand, he is going to need it for class today."

"I take it that we will need to discuss our own parts at a later time?" Flitwick asked in a deceptively mild tone.

"I don't plan to hurt him, not unless he needs it for his own conscience, if that is what you are worried about," Harry answered with a shark-like smile. "I have to wait until after his weekend meeting no matter what I decide to do so the four of us might as well meet when he gets back. As long as Snape here understands that he _isn't_ allowed to die yet. If he needs something to placate Voldy with he can tell the man that I am thinking on his offer from first year. He also has permission to tell him that I was nearly sorted into Slytherin but Dumbledore tricked me into Gryffindor. If Voldy doesn't already know about my parseltongue ability he can share that too."

"The list?" Severus asked quietly.

"You can share what I gave to Draco," Harry conceded. "I won't give you the rest until later. Oh and tell Draco I want those notes back but thank him for turning in the assignments for me. I hadn't gotten around to dumbing them down yet but its not unexpected to have an occasionally good paper turned in for a class so no harm done."

"Anything in particular you want pointed out?" Severus snarked at his young master.

"Not unless you want to both get crucioed by him and punished by me when you get back. You are no good to me dead," Harry snorted, knowing the man was just being an arse.

"If I may? May we also have copies? Just so we know what you are talking about?" Flitwick requested.

"Ask Draco for a copy. I still haven't decided if I'm going to release the other parts of it," Harry told them. The two still standing teachers nodded. Less than twenty minutes later they were back in their respective classrooms as if nothing had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil Overlord's List  
> Section A #29:  
>  I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.


	3. Of Meetings and Magics

That weekend found Harry joining McGonagall and Flitwick after supper to wait while Severus slipped from the castle to attend his meeting, much to Harry's consternation. He only hoped that whatever the blasted link did tonight _didn't_ put him in crippling pain. There was also the hope from all three of them that Severus would return whole and healthy. If it did happen it would just validate their concern over him needing a minder but it was still galling to be babysat.

"While the list is amusing perhaps you would care to explain some of your commentary on it while we wait?" McGonagall suggested in open bemusement as she pulled out her copy. It hadn't taken much to get a couple of copies from the Malfoy Heir and the look on his face had been priceless.

"I only gave up a little less than the first half of Section A, so the first hundred or so. #101 really backfired on old Voldy and #29 applies way to easily to Dumbledore. Neither of them have managed to fulfill #24 or #27 though Dumbledore could be considered close to having fulfilled #12 but not #60. #104 was completely ignored by Voldy and he probably ignored #61 while he was at it along with #12 and #60. Those were just some of the ones that stood out on this half of Section A, not all of them but some," Harry explained in open amusement. He knew what she was doing, trying to distract him, and he didn't really mind.

"Is there more to this section? You already told us there was more to the list but this particular section?" Flitwick asked with great interest.

"Yep! This is just part of the bad guy section. There is also one for Heroes, Side-kicks, Evil Minions, Standard Combat, and a general extra evil section," Harry told them with a grin that edged on wicked. "So... six? Yeah, six sections for the entire thing. I had to go hunting for them but I figured a little extra help staying alive was a good idea even if it was just a stupid list mocking movie character mistakes."

"I _will_ get my hands on them at some point Mr. Potter," McGonagall threatened him playfully with a satisfied cat smirk on a human face.

"You can try!" Harry grinned sharply. "So... an Unspeakable? How did that happen or can't you tell me? I figure that the goblins aren't stupid and used Professor Flitwick's family as reason to recruit him but what about you?"

"I was recruited by my Transfiguration Master shortly before the end of my apprenticeship actually. While I officially completed it under Dumbledore my actual training was under another, an Unspeakable. Dumbledore only taught me for a few months and it was all things I had already learned under my original master, not that I told him that. My testing was done by an Unspeakable using a false name but real credentials," McGonagall explained with open amusement. "Your school adventures have you up for recruitment consideration even with the watered down tripe Dumbledore tries to pass off as explanations for what happened. Its one of the reasons that I was given permission to fill you in if I was discovered. Your friends don't have the same authorizations because of discovered irregularities and things I haven't been briefed on."

"Fair enough," Harry nodded in acceptance before turning towards Flitwick for his own explanation. Pain exploded in his forehead before he completed the movement. He only vaguely felt them catch him mid fall from his seat and lay him out on the floor. Before he could feel anything more being done Harry was dragged into a vision of the meeting behind Voldemort's eyes.

Harry could only tell what the man he was temporarily sharing a brain with looked like because he had seen the snake-hybrid look at the end of his fourth year. That and the occasional casual glance at Nagini being petted in the man's lap exposed his hands to their joint sight. Harry watched as various people gave their reports, annoyed by the brief flare of anger that had dragged him into Voldemort's mind, until it came time for Lucius' turn.

"My lord, Severus and I have come across information you need to be aware of. As you know Severus is bound by his position as a Teacher to prevent him from sharing much of the details until certain criteria are met. As I have again become a member of the school board he was able to share it with me and I am free to share it with whom I feel it necessary to inform. My son brought me additional information that Severus was able to confirm. My lord, Potter may be a hidden Slytherin and it may be possible to turn him to our side," Lucius explained carefully.

"If that is true then his tongue must be bound before he leaves, to keep him from running to the old fool!" Bellatrix cackled menacingly.

"Bella, for heaven's sake, drop the blasted battle persona! I am well aware you don't trust me or my roll," Snape drawled, completely unconcerned by the woman's actions. "Though I won't argue that I might need a secrecy spell this time if only to say that one was cast on me. Hide your obsession for cuddly things for all I care but the spell its self needs casting, one that _doesn't_ risk my life if you please."

"What proof do you have?" Voldemort hissed. He displayed a mix of mild interest and boredom but hidden behind his eyes Harry felt the hidden curiosity and near obsession the man had about anything to do with Harry himself.

"A list, most Slytherin in nature, was found among Potter's things. My son, Draco, managed to obtain a copy and sent it to me. He also reminded me that Potter is a parselmouth. Also Severus managed to discover that Potter was to be in Slytherin before Dumbledore tricked him into Gryffindor," Lucius informed the meeting as a whole. "We've also found a few things that concern us but our investigations into them are incomplete at this time."

"The brat might be salvageable," Severus sneered in a real distaste that Harry recognized as a memory of something rather than aimed at him. "I have authorized Draco to begin campaigning among the house to accept Potter and the Weasley twins under the haven rules as members of our house and to pursue a re-sort. I also felt something odd from a vow Dumbledore forced on me and the Dark Mark reacted as well when I learned about the blasted list and realized that Potter was a Slytherin. We all know Dumbledore won't stand for a Slytherin Savior."

Harry could feel Voldemort getting ready to raise his wand and curse them for their audacity in not clearing the attempted subversion with him first. Without thought to the consequences Harry moved within the man's mind to keep the spell from being cast. This unavoidably drew the Dark Lord's attention to his presence. They briefly tussled for control until Harry was shoved off to the side and locked into place within mental chains of enchanted goblin silver.

"Lucius, Severus, stay behind after the meeting. Bellatrix you will have to wait for another day to curse dear Severus," Voldemort ordered, granting Harry the lack of a curse being thrown at the two men as a reward. Harry understood that it was a reward and the mind lock allowed the other wizard to be gracious in his win. The rest of the meeting was concluded quickly after that.

Once everyone was gone the Dark Lord forced both proud men to their knees without a word. He then cast something in Mandarin on himself that forced Harry into a ghost-like state outside his body and bound within arm's reach. Nagini snickered in amusement and watched Harry-ghost with open interest.

" _What_ did you do now?" Severus growled at his pupil, knowing instinctively that Harry's mind was actually present even if his body wasn't.

"I didn't know how his curse would react with the weird way your mark and the vow were acting. Excuse me if I didn't want it doing something especially weird that might trap the three of us in a bond together or something! I was already in his head and he knows I sometimes get dragged there so I just decided to try and keep you from getting cursed," Harry huffed at the man. He crossed his ghostly arms in a bit of a self-indulgent pout.

"Acceptable reasoning," Voldemort agreed sourly. "Explain the vow and the reaction. I also want a word with you Potter."

"I'm reconsidering your offer from first year and, while I didn't know about the re-sort attempt, I wouldn't really mind changing houses. The problem with being in a house other than Gryffindor is the fact that is where the idiot Light wants me. It wouldn't surprise me if they fight to keep me in Gryffindor no matter what I say," Harry informed him politely.

"~Hatchling does have a point. He is trapped in the stone nest of red and gold you spoke of. The old hunter will surely keep him close even if the hatchling doesn't want to be taught as a new hunter with us as his prey,~" Nagini hissed thoughtfully.

"~Thanks, most people think Dumbledore is like a god,~" Harry complained back to the snake. "~Also, I am no longer a hatchling. Young? Yes, but not a hatchling.~"

"~Yet from the words of my wizard you are still a hatchling,~" Nagini pointed out, openly comparing everyone's size before staring at Harry pointedly.

"~My... caregivers refuse me food often,~" Harry explained his short stature to the snake sheepishly, forgetting there was someone else who could understand them in the room.

"~How barbaric!~" Nagini hissed in outrage.

"You are being starved?!" Voldemort demanded angrily. He had painful memories of rationing at the orphanage and how his rations would often be stolen from him, resulting in not enough food at times.

"Not at Hogwarts. If anything there is too much and the food is too rich," Harry answered quickly, obviously startled by the man's sudden inclusion into the discussion.

"We _will_ be discussing that when I get back," Severus informed him tersely. "As to the vow... Dumbledore caught me in shock shortly after the explosion at the Potter's the night they fell to you. I barely had the presence of mind to refuse to swear to follow him blindly but he still forced me into swearing to protect Potter specifically. Recent events have placed Dumbledore as an enemy and released me to inform you of the vow. Namely when I was introduced to Mr. Potter's very Slytherin list about being an Evil Overlord and the fact that both the vow and the Dark Mark started tugging at me to protect him. His side commentary scribbled on said list merely confirmed the suspicions the list its self had roused."

"If you go to the goblins, as a neutral party, and get healed by their healers I'll stop telling my classmates that you are back. I'll claim that I don't properly remember what happened but that Dumbledore told me that must have been what happened when the group of Death Eaters grabbed me. If I do it right it will be the truth too. Might even get Umbitch off my back," Harry offered slyly. "Technically you are dead and have been dead for awhile. You might want to look into any laws that cover getting a new body. Besides I _know_ Wormtail somehow screwed up that ritual and if we are actually going to talk about stuff I want to know I'm talking to the real you unaffected by his magical screw up."

"You are a trouble magnet! Don't think that most of the staff doesn't know about your little defense club and what you are telling them," Severus accused from his still kneeling position on the floor.

"Oh? Then do you think I can con one of the staff into acting as an actual supervisor? It would help the sixth and seventh years more than we've managed so far," Harry asked curiously, a brief blink of surprise marring the innocence he was trying to project.

Lucius burst out laughing and they all looked at him until he got his mirth under control only to wheeze out an apology. "Ah ha ha, well played! I am sorry for laughing its just... ha ha ha ha..."

"Yes, well played. I will accept your offer under a few conditions of my own," Voldemort offered slyly. Harry's polite attentiveness pleased him. The additional fact that he didn't see any downsides to getting anything wrong healed also pleased him more than he wanted to admit. "You need not start offering a different story as such could put you at risk from Light side idiots. Instead I would prefer that you simply let the story die, neither confirming or denying anything about what happened after the third task. You will allow Severus to ensure that you are in proper health upon his return, which includes any medical treatments he may decide upon. During any future trips into my mind you must immediately inform me of your presence so that I can either send you back or explain anything you may have questions about. Anything else can be addressed after you have been assured that I am myself, unaffected by anything harmful. Are we agreed?"

"Agreed," Harry acknowledged, clearly pleased with himself.

Voldemort released the spell and sent Harry back into his own mind before turning back to his two minions.

"Lucius, I want a full investigation on him. Get anything you can directly from the source, _including_ how he is treated at home. Potter has become quite the puzzle. Severus, ensure he is in the best health possible and guard him. Inform me if there is a change in what the vow or my mark require of you, especially in regards to Potter. If he can be turned to our side or neutral then it would be a waste to do otherwise," Voldemort instructed before dismissing them.

"~Are you still determined to kill the hatchling?~" Nagini asked curiously.

"~Not unless I absolutely must,~" Voldemort said firmly. "~I've never cared for destroying hatchlings of any species but I understand that in some cases it is a painful necessity. I dearly hope I have been wrong about needing to destroy this particular hatchling and may make amends by bringing him into my nest.~"

"~Good,~" came Nagini's satisfied response. She then made him pet her for some time before they turned in for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil Overlord's List  
> Section A:
> 
> 12\. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
> 
> 24\. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
> 
> 29\. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
> 
> 37\. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
> 
> 60\. My five-year-old advisor (see above) will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
> 
> 61\. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
> 
> 101\. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me; I'll do it myself.
> 
> 104\. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.


	4. Scarred Bones

Harry woke to a pair of concerned faces and decided to lighten the atmosphere with a joke. "At least he didn't toss a crucio this time those things _hurt_ even through the bond."

"Ye cana be tell'n me that ye feel it when he casts?!" McGonagall demanded, completely horrified.

"Meh, depends on how angry Voldy is and if he's tossing crucios around. Most of the rest don't bleed through but crucios transfer through the link _way_ too well," Harry admitted as he sat up from where he lay on the floor to stretch. "It should be less of a problem now since he promised to send me back or explain stuff when I tell him I'm there, which I need to do each time it happens. He also promised to get his health checked by the goblins in trade for it along with me shutting up about him being back. That's not such a big loss since everyone who believes me will already know. He also made me promise to let Snape check my health and fix what he can. I'm probably gonna regret that one but I figured he's getting a health check its only fair that I get one too. It will make any future negotiations run more smoothly if we are both sure we are acting under our own control rather than someone else's puppet strings or an idiot's screw up."

"You made a deal... with the Dark Lord?" Flitwick asked in a curiously flat voice.

"The only thing concrete is that we both get health checks, I drop my Umbridge target aka proclaiming his return, and tell him when I'm dragged into his skull. Since neither of us is in control of the mind link that one is honestly pure safety and I already explained my stance about shutting up. The health check thing though could be considered the actual deal. Nothing else happened or was decided because I pointed out that we should be sure of our own minds before talking," Harry told them. "Though I will admit to telling him that I'm thinking about the deal he offered me at the end of first year, which I will insist be modified if its used at all, and a lack of objections to being re-sorted."

"A safe crack in your Gryffindor persona? One which uses the same persona to introduce non-Gryffindor traits? No matter how small?" McGonagall asked with sad understanding. Harry nodded hesitantly, unsure if he should admit to wanting such to his current Head of House.

"Ah lad, what have we foolishly forced upon you?" Flitwick asked regretfully. Harry remained mute to the question unwilling or unable to answer the small Professor. Snape arrived soon afterwards, preventing more questions from being raised about anything else.

"He didn't curse you," Harry observed, subtly attempting to arrange himself near the door and thus escape.

"How much can your stomach actually hold?" Snape asked flatly. Harry froze for a moment before bolting for the door only to be caught up by strong arms clad in black. He struggled a bit as the older wizard shushed him, hugging him close until Harry had exhausted what little energy he had left after his long day.

"Severus?" Flitwick asked carefully.

"We found out at the meeting that he is regularly starved at his relatives, enough so as to affect his overall height and likely also his health. Something I have been kicking myself for missing since he slipped while arguing with the Dark Lord's snake. They were speaking in Parseltongue but the Dark Lord's outrage was in English as was Harry's too quick response absolving the school. Until his life is less of a nightmare or at least somewhat stable we need to provide him with support. If his friends already know they will notice what we are doing and likely help, if they don't then we don't tell them. No matter what the press may think he has the right to privacy," Severus informed his colleagues firmly. He took a moment to shift the limp form of his young master around to something less restraining and more comfortable for the both of them. "The Dark Lord already assigned me as his guard so there isn't going to be an issue from that end. We, the three of us, will put him back together health wise and _keep_ him healthy. He can punish me for my own idiocy once he is properly healed and thus capable to judge."

"We should probably get him an inheritance test in case he has one of the bloodlines that need special handling because of past magics and/or creature blood," Flitwick said thoughtfully.

"Minerva, as his current Head of House I would ask that you give him permission to have either a back up wand or a knife hidden on his person. It will give him an extra tool if something else insane happens to him," Severus requested. Harry's head came up in shock to stare at the man holding him but the three teachers ignored his surprise.

"I would suggest finding him a familiar that he can fully bond with and/or a snake as well if I thought we could get away with it but yes, I agree. I will add that he is to tell _no one_ of it except for the three of us and use it only for emergencies. He has, unfortunately, been in enough tight spots to know the difference between an emergency and school yard foolishness. It is a pity though, a familiar would give him more comfort than we can as well as other things," McGonagall concluded.

"And that vile woman would delight in having the familiar executed simply to cause him pain. Most don't bond as closely to their owls as young Harry has to his, largely because of how owls need to live. Its a wonder she hasn't noticed and tried something with his snowy owl," Filius pointed out.

"Hedwig? She would hurt _Hedwig_?!" Harry demanded in clear fear.

"She doesn't know how much you value your feathered friend and as a result has no idea that hurting her would hurt you. Your Hedwig is as safe as any owl at the school. Filius, Minerva, and I will add protective spells and charms to your owl later so that she is better protected," Severus soothed, cuddling Harry close.

" 'M tired," Harry admitted as he relaxed and started fighting not to doze off.

"Then go to sleep. I'll run the health scans and start figuring out what treatments you need. The rest can wait until morning," Severus instructed. That they now knew for a fact that he would actually need some sort of medical treatment wasn't even questioned.

"M'kay," Harry mumbled before dropping into the land of nod.

"The spell the Dark Lord used to force him into visibility and able to communicate with all of us in the small after meeting must have drawn heavily from Harry's resources. It was in some eastern language I didn't recognize so I have no idea what it normally does," Severus growled. Minerva ignored his growling in favor of transfiguring a cot for them to set Harry down on and a couple of blankets for once they were done checking on her stubborn lion.

"Then we will have to deal with it along with whatever other damage we find," Filius said pointedly. None of them were happy they had missed a student, much less _Harry_ , being in ill health. Even so snapping at one another would be of no help and they all knew it.

Severus snarled at nothing before casting the medical scanning spells he had learned as a part of his mastery and its per-requisit of being a certified medi-wizard just shy of being a full healer. The magic skimmed over Harry doing first a light scan before delving deeper and deeper into the target patient. Skin and hair gave way to the outer muscles then the inner muscles and bone down deep into the marrow looking for things that were actively wrong or shouldn't be there before recording it. Next the magic started looking for signs of previous illness and injury, determining what and when the patient had needed healing in the past for whatever reason. Finally it leapt from its target to coil into a pile of glowing liquid cyan light that faded away leaving a pile of parchments.

"I figured we would need a full history. The most recent issues will be the first listed with the trauma of birth being the last. With how often he gets himself into danger and Quidditch the size of the results, while still concerning, is not necessarily out of line. It could vary greatly depending on any health issues his guardians had to deal with... or ignored," Severus explained to his openly curious colleagues. A silent nod came from confirming what had happened earlier that night as he read the report only for him to stop dead and start cursing when he came across the crudely healed damage from the blood quill.

"I told the old fool when he left Harry on Petunia's doorstep that no good would come from it. He had the audacity to hit me from behind with a limited secrecy spell and an attempted _Obliviate_ , after which I could obviously do nothing without blowing my cover," Minerva sighed mournfully.

"Petunia?! He left her with _Petunia_?!" Severus demanded, his head shooting up from what he was reading to pay full attention to the cat animagus.

"You were cursing about his home treatment weren't you?" Filius asked with a mix of suspicion and concern.

"No, I hadn't even gotten there yet," Severus said, jaw clenching as he was reminded exactly why he had been cursing. "Someone has been forcing him to use a _blood quill_ for hours on end. Its left permanent scarring and unless we find whatever he was writing on and destroy it..."

"It could be used to control him or even kill him, depending upon what was written in his blood and how much blood was used," Filius finished for him, equally as angry. "The implied blood contract is likely already working on him not to mention the shear _torture_ of creating it in such a manner. There is a _reason_ that those blasted things are only ever used to sign the person's name and only ever on the most serious and binding of contracts."

"Delores is going to regret going after one of our students!" Minerva declared furiously.

"And how many other students has she hurt?" Severus asked darkly.

"This is more than enough reason to call for aid from some of my kin. Guard the young warrior while I fetch help," Filius ordered furiously. He turned towards the door to the classroom they had set up in only to be stopped by a sealing spell hitting the door from Severus' wand. The enraged part goblin turned on the larger man only to be hit by a double binding spell as he was forced to listen to his friends.

" _Think_ you fool! Yes, this is serious enough to request aid and blow our covers but what will she do if that happens? What will the Ministry do? It doesn't even matter if she has authorization for the quills or for such a barbaric use of them! They've lauded the woman too much and invested her with too much authority. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she is to be given complete control of the school before long. The last piece they need is to find Harry's little defense group and then she will have Dumbledore arrested, and possibly Potter as well, recieving ultimate authority within these walls. Not to mention the fact that a goblin contingent storming the school could set off another goblin-wizard war!" Severus snarled into his face.

"You are right Severus, my rage blinded me. The risk to the apprentices is too great to go off half cocked no matter how satisfying it would be to spill that bitch's blood," Filius agreed, forcing himself into regaining a measure of calm.

"We aren't saying don't contact them just that we have to be careful about fetching help. I wouldn't put it past her to use the students as hostages, especially if she has already been hurting them under our very noses!" Minerva pointed out.

"Exposing her won't be enough unless we can keep her from attacking anyone at the same time. Even then it will likely just escalate the situation. Right now we have a measure of control, control we need to _keep_. Contact your relatives about a solution. While you are at it see if that blasted tournament last year was good for something such as declaring Potter an adult or at least able to freely use his wand. I bet that he has been kept away from the bank, leaving needed paperwork or some such undone," Severus suggested. He carefully freed the smaller man before trustingly turning his back on him to attend once more to Harry.

"Just let me duplicate Mr. Potter's health scan. They may be able to help with it as well and it can serve as recorded proof," Filius said more softly. Following through he duplicated the test before unsealing the room and leaving with his copy of the test to contact his full blooded goblin relatives.

"Make a few copies and hide them. We will likely need them later," Severus instructed before retrieving one of the copy sets to continue going over Harry's health. He kept his self control on high alert to keep from dashing off to kill one or more of the people who had harmed him young master as he read through the rest of the history.

"How bad?" Minerva asked quietly. She had refrained from looking over the medical history until she was somewhere safe to let her full temper loose and break down afterwards.

"Even if the Dark Lord has been trying to kill him he is going to be furious at the condition Harry is in. Its a miracle the imp isn't in a coma right now or dead before ever reaching the school," Severus said tightly. "The malnutrition alone from the lack of meals and critical nutrients has put him at major risk. His bones are fragile enough from a lack of calcium that if Umbridge hadn't taken him off the Quidditch team I would have. Most of the rest is mis-healed bones that were never properly set and signs of regular trauma consistent with beatings, not to mention the organ stress from a lack of nutrients. Not enough to kill him but only just barely."

"No!" came the horrified whisper from the Scotswoman.

"Its fixable but if he had to rely on muggle medicine rather than magical healing... his life would have been shortened considerably and he never would have fully recovered. There is a chance there will still be some damage when I am done healing him over the next several months. The speed in which we can heal it, now that its known, will help reduce it in that regard and we can address the remaining injuries as something separate. If we can keep him from returning to the dangerous environment then he will be fully healed by his 16th birthday. The same day he can legally choose anyone not younger than him as a lover or propose to someone and have it legally binding... Unless that blasted tournament _did_ declare him an adult," Severus explained. He was focusing on the legal part to ignore the emotions the damage roused inside him even as he fought back flashbacks of his own youth before Hogwarts.

"Should I expect him to receive a large number of detentions from you?" McGonagall asked in a mix of curiosity and resignation.

"I was going to in any case to keep him away from the pink bitch," Severus bit out. "He will need some very strong potions regularly and they may weaken him or make him tired even as they heal him. The one to correct the bone damage alone is going to be a nightmare for him. His bones will regularly feel like they are on fire and it won't be safe for him to ingest any sort of painkiller. His only relief will be a stunner or a sleep spell. The times 3 concentrate double dose of nutrient potion will have to be staggered in front of the bone strengthener by at least three hours. Both potions will also require him to eat something solid before hand. Aside from the solid meals surrounding those two daily potions he will be on a mostly liquid diet. If it were safe to keep him penned up in the infirmary while we did this I would if only the ensure he got what rest he could whenever the pain ebbs. With that woman after his blood, literally, we can't keep him in one place to say nothing of his education."

"There will be nightmares," Minerva commented softly.

"There will," Severus agreed sadly. "Unless... unless he completes the ancient form of the master-servant bond, of his own free will and without prompting. If he does then our combined magics can use my own less dangerous health as a template. We would both be in pain and vulnerable for about a week with the magic taking what it needed from vats of both nutrition potion and bone strengthener. There would also be other side effects from very nearly rebuilding his body from scratch and our bond would become permanent. He would never be able to let me go and I would never be able to leave his service. It would be something of a call and response. The magic is old enough and strong enough to burst from those involved and take form on their tongues of its own accord."

"Of course with young Mr. Potter's luck it will start forming halfway and shift into something like a marriage bond," Minerva snickered.

"Or something else strange," Severus agreed in amused exasperation, the mood definitely lighter. "I honestly hope something happens to keep him from such pain or I made a mistake. We are both tired and while I will be feeding him nutrient potions regardless things will be more clear in the morning."

"By then Filius may have heard something as well. Are we taking him back to his dorm or is one of us staying with him here or what?" Minerva asked gently.

"I think we should move him to my spare room actually. It will keep the bitch from pulling something and he could have had a bad reaction to some left over potion fumes that hadn't quite cleared from the lab. I of course informed you as his Head of House and you were in a meeting with Filius at the time so he learned as well," Severus said thoughtfully.

"Works," Minerva agreed with amusement. Like naughty students they proceeded to move Harry down to Severus's rooms and retired for the night, hoping for a more peaceful morning.


	5. Umbitch

One of the first things the three Heads of House/United Spies did the next morning was silently agree that the _bitch_ had to go. The next was their equally silent agreement to get their hands on whatever she was forcing their students to write in blood to destroy them. The third was to reluctantly agree once again they couldn't do anything yet without risking the students. The only good news they had was the demand from Gringotts to get Potter to them as soon as possible. Harry was also doing extremely well for all that his morning potion got stolen.

"Detention Smith! For a week for taking medical potions away from a fellow student!" Severus snarled across the Great Hall, beating his colleagues to the punch by mere seconds. Shifting to a snark he kept up the furious momentum he had established. "Potter, from now on you will report to me around every meal time and I will _watch_ you drink them. This is going to take _months_ to repair but at least you recognized something was wrong and admitted it to someone who could help."

"How was I to know some Seventh year botched their potion _that_ badly?! Or that it would react to Peeves dumping one of your experiments into it like that?!" Harry protested loudly. Neither accusation could be proven and the Potion Master rolled with the improv routine with relish. He was taking their snark fest as proof that Harry was alright despite the damage he had found the night before. It was a relief to the three teachers involved.

"Be glad you only got a face full of fumes rather than a splash on your skin and that I vanished the lot almost instantly," Severus snarked back.

"Git," Harry shot back heatedly. He was openly provoking the man and he didn't really care, their snark fest was too fun.

"And that will be a detention after supper. Please remember that until I release you from treatment all of your detentions will be served with me in case of something very bad happening because of that face full of fumes and your strange trouble magnet luck," Severus drawled, smirking evilly. He relished the immediate outrage from the majority of the Gryffindor table and was happy to recognize the amusement that laced Harry's angry glare that came in reasponse to his announcement.

"Potion Master Snape as High Inquisitor I am remanding Mr. Potter into your direct care and authority from now on. Let us see what you can do about his attitude with more authority," Umbridge said sweetly. The automatic protests and sounds of outrage from the rest of the staff covered the way the three allied Heads of House relaxed at the declaration nicely for all that Minerva was the loudest protestor of them all.

"I will be certain to reign him in as much as possible madam but I am no miracle worker," Severus murmured demurely.

"We shall see won't we?" Umbridge giggled sickeningly.

Breakfast ended on a bit of high note for the three secretly allied Spies/Heads of House and single reluctant Savior. Severus also managed to sneak into both the _bitch_ 's office and rooms by lunch time, locating and stealing both the blood quill and the piles of parchment from her detentions written in blood. A quick collection of the originals leaving behind inert copies worked for the parchments. Swapping out the multiple quills the _bitch_ had was slightly harder. Several transfigured never out quills with the ink color changed to accurate blood red with charms to glamour the student's opposite hand appropriately worked. The glamor would change after getting a certain distance from both quill and Umbridge. Once the poor student got far enough away it would flash and sting a bit to get the student's attention with instructions sending them to one of the three spying Heads of House. All of the originals were viciously destroyed by the three aware Heads of House just after curfew with a careful burst of Fiendfyer.

The next week passed uneventfully aside from Umbridge missing her classes due to a nasty prank from the Weasley twins that everyone claimed ignorance of the culprits. Draco made some headway in creating a truce with Harry after Harry had confirmed with Severus that the other young man was serious about being friends. This led to a drastic drop in tension between the houses unless the two youngest Weasleys or Granger were present. It formed an unspoken agreement across house boundaries that this was a mostly student secret, shifting the rivalry to a more friendly footing.

Then Umbridge got out of the infirmary and somehow booted Dumbledore for the incident.

"Mr. Potter, what is this I hear about lying and claiming the Dark Lord is back again?" Umbridge asked evilly. She was gleefully stalking up to the group of students who were quietly talking in the halls as they walked.

"Huh? Who said that? It was pointed out to me that the Wizard's name that I saw was Tom so I stopped telling everybody that it was Voldemort," Harry told her, going for adorably confused and ignoring the inevitable flinches.

"Then you admit to lying!" Umbridge declared triumphantly.

"No, I repeated Dumbledore's conclusions that Tom is or was the Dark Lord Voldemort. If he is or isn't you would have to ask Tom but... don't call him Tom. He hates that name," Harry explained calmly. "Call him Marvolo, his middle name. Come to think of it I'm probably going to get cursed the next time I see him if I keep calling him Tom so I'm just going to call him Marvolo from now on. Oh no! I missed his birthday! I need to go shopping for cheery clothes for him. He likes green and snakes so maybe a green muggle shirt with a snake pattern? Maybe just buy the fabric and see if Madam Malkin will make him robes out of it? Or a bag? Maybe he'd like _Evil R'US_ embroidered on the bag? In blood red? Or maybe acid green? If I get the snake pattern fabric in a forest green they would both work. Maybe red words surrounded by a potions cloud of acid green? coming out of a cauldron? Hey! I could also get a bat print for Professor Snape!"

"Dude that would be awesome! Deadly but awesome!" Dean crowed in laughter.

"You think we could get him to wear it?" Draco asked speculatively. "I know he thinks being called dungeon bat and vampire is kinda funny. Maybe we could ambush him and dress him up like the muggle idea of dracula? We would get detention almost immediately but would it be worth it?"

"Mi _ster_ Malfoy do you honestly think you and any number of students could take me down?" Snape asked from right behind them, making them jump. The evil smirk he sent their way as they whipped around to stare at him made them all shiver in dread.

"On second thought, no Thomas, that's a bad idea. Bad Gryffindor!" Draco scolded, smacking Dean on the head with a quickly rolled up parchment as if he were a naughty puppy.

"You dare!" Umbridge spluttered indignantly.

"What? Its not like I'm anything special. I'm just a cheeky teenager with a single vault from his dead parents and crappy relatives. I don't even own most of my own clothes," Harry shot back jokingly. The sudden weight of looks from everyone more familiar with the wizarding world instantly made him nervous. The darkened gaze of the now quiet Potions Master especially unnerved him, weighted especially heavily with the silent promise of speaking later.

Harry flinched violently as the clawed hand doused in pink nail polish grabbed him and started dragging him. Looking up the crazy glint that had entered Umbridge's eye had him swallowing hard and failing to protest. A met gaze with a narrow-eyed angry Severus matched with a slight head shake kept the older man from protesting but not from following along grimly behind them.

The two of them quickly gathered a following of wary students and staff with Severus discretely keeping the other staff members from interfering. They watched as she dragged him to one of the oversized floo and tossed in an entire container of floo powder with a furious shout of _Gringotts_. The amount of floo she used opened a semi-permanent connection that allowed a substantial group of both students and teachers to follow protectively and watch, ready to spring to Harry's defense. The following group just so happened to contain mostly DA members and the three spy teachers that Harry had stumbled upon. This was just as well because Flitwick kept the impromptu invasion from being fought off by the bank guards and had those same guards on alert, ready to help.

Umbridge ignored all of this in favor of dragging Harry up to a teller.

"I want an inheritance test done on this _brat_ ," Umbridge demanded rudely. Harry's quiet hiss of pain at her tight grip did not go unnoticed by the goblin teller. It was only his warning look to the goblin that kept him from drawing the hidden dagger from its sheath and killing her where she stood. Though it didn't save his quill from being crushed and work from getting lightly splattered with the ink dripping from his hand.

"Very well," the teller grated out. He didn't bother leading them away to a private room but instead sent someone for the materials. The reason behind this was two fold, she now had a goblin death warrant on her head by her very actions along and he had more back up in the lobby. The teller quickly took the time to clean his hands of ink and finished just as the test materials arrived.

"Young man we will need a bit of blood. A copy of this test will be sent to your Ministry, another will be kept in our files, and a third will be given to you. You are not required to share it with anyone but the Ministry copy is of necessity public record," the teller recited the standard warning as he mixed, crushed, and whisked the potion together.

Umbridge cruelly grabbed and yanked his arm only to shove Harry's wrist into the goblin's face. Harry allowed it, standing there with a disturbingly blank face that is only ever learned out of necessity. His eyes alone showed his pain and rage but also his forced acceptance telling the goblin before him that he was used to such treatment though not normally from this woman. The goblin was careful to take only what was needed and not allow Umbridge to force the blade deep into the captive Gryffindor.

"Might I have my student back now that you have what you need for this forced test?" Severus snarked. His words unfortunately drew her attention to the group that had followed the pair through the now sleeping floo into the bank Lobby.

"Keep him under better control Potions Master. One might think that his mudblood bitch of a mother irrevocably tainted him and his blood. Such a pity to loose such a respected and powerful bloodline to cavorting with _animals_. Perhaps a potion to remove the taint is in order," Umbridge ordered sharply before shoving Harry roughly towards the man.

Snape caught him before he could fall, carefully healing the small wound and drawing Harry back into the mixed group of DA members and teachers. The DA members formed up protectively around the two dark haired wizards, discretely obeying the quiet order of _wands at the ready_ from the pair. Flitwick and McGonagall fell into flanking positions around the formation the students had fallen into. All of them faced the oblivious pink clad witch as the greatest threat, something that was not lost on the goblins. Everyone waited for the test results but the students were determined that the _bitch_ would not be returning to the school with them and hang the consequences.


	6. Bits of History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be stuck but I managed to scrape this together for all of you. Incidentally, the last section held so much power when I wrote it that I knew it was not only important but that I would also have trouble following it up. As this has proven to be more true than I would have liked I am posting what I have and hoping it is good enough for whatever god plans.
> 
> Also warning for religious references. Don't ask me why musey wanted them it was either add them or ditch the whole story.  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The pure shock that appeared on the goblin teller's face as he read the first appearing results of Harry's inheritance test was the first thing Harry himself registered after turning around. The second thing he registered was the silent shielding spells that wrapped around the group protectively, double layering around him, from the wands of the three teachers. The third thing though was the _look_ the teller gave him.

"#Young one can you understand me?#" the teller asked in a liquid musical language no one in the room and not of goblin heritage recognized. Harry, the person it was directed to, nodded warily in acknowledgement wondering what was going on and if his luck was doing something strange again.

"This has become a goblin matter. Clear the bank. #Young one you may have only one at your side. Your part-goblin teacher will remain in his capacity as one of the clan. Who is your choice?#" the teller asked even as the guards started to clear the room.

"Professor Snape," Harry answered firmly. "I want Professor Snape to stay."

"Then he will remain at your side. The others must leave but Charms Master Flitwick will remain as a specalist consultant," the teller declared.

"What is going on here?!" Umbridge demanded shrilly, her face starting to shift colors in frustration at not understanding.

"We are addressing an inheritance. Your portion of the reward is in a different room further in the bank madam. One of the red rooms I believe," the teller said toothily. "If you will just follow Bogrod?"

Umbridge sniffed and followed the indicated guard to the disguised and bobby trapped execution chamber. She would feel the wrath of the Gringotts clan and serve as a first bloody test for the latest batch of goblin warrior apprentices. A few would even have the bright idea to turn her into a living pinata and hanging target. Her blood would feed the latest dragon hatchling as it drained from the room while her spear laced body would feed slightly a older baby dragon. The scraps and bones would go to an acid producing magical pitcher plant as a nice snack. She would never know that Harry was no half-blood but an Heir to a lost bloodline.

The Hogwarts group keep tossing vile and suspicious looks after Umbridge until one of the guards finally chuckled after she was gone and promised the budding group of warriors that no one would ever see her again. Minerva met the gaze of her two colleagues and silently took command of the rest of the group, escorting them back to the castle safely. Severus, Filius, and Harry were escorted to a private conference room just off the main lobby and settled in with refreshments before they even began.

"Now then I am sure that you would like to know what is going on. In regards to the pink one she broke the peace accord which is enforced in the bank lobby by harming Mr. Potter, forfeiting her life under our laws. As the bank is sovereign territory and in accordance with the current standing treaty between our peoples she was subject to our laws when it happened. My guess as to the injury she caused is that Mr. Potter will develop deep bruising where she had hold of him before the day is over. As to the little language display... it was a bit of a cheap trick. To understand that language the person speaking the language must wish to be understood by the person or group within hearing distance or be of goblin blood. The reason you fall under our laws, making this a goblin matter, actually comes partly from the tournament last year. It also combined with the slaying of Salazar Slytherin's ancient Basilisk and the summoning of Gryffindor's sword prior to that," the teller informed them happily. "The actions of the sword alone would have labeled you goblin friend and young warrior among our people. However, the fact that the goblin forged sword _stayed_ immediately made you a part of the closest goblin clan and made you the keeper of the sword. Wherever you put it you will need to reclaim it and bring it to the bank for a proper sheath so that you can be trained in its use and wear it from now on."

Filius piped up, "I will help you Harry, acting as your mentor in all things goblin. Your majesty, there is a slight problem with retrieving the sword... Dumbledore claimed it off of him using his position at the time of being both Headmaster and young Harry's Magical Guardian. Its displayed in his school office as a trophy. I am not entirely certain what excuse he gave to receive it but it suddenly appeared on his office wall one day between the students leaving that year and the beginning of the next school year."

"That _is_ a problem. Hmm, we will have to research the blade a bit more to see what can be done. The information from the test only revealed so much," the teller turned important royal personage conceded. "In the mean time a goblin forged dagger will be granted to you. Hide it somewhere on yourself and never let it go if you can help it but not at the cost of your life. It is meant to help preserve your life not end it."

Harry nodded his understanding and accepted the offered blade from the goblin in front of him. He had no idea that accepting and using the Goblin King's blade placed him further under goblin protection. It also effectively deputized him to act as a mediator or negotiate things on behalf of the goblin nation but only when needed. The handle would turn from a silver wire wrap to blood red to signal the need for acting as the goblin representative and a green stripe would form on top of it for mediation. 

"Before we move on there are a few things that need to be addressed about your test. Several missives informing certain people about some of the results went out automatically, normally they would have the right to claim custody. In addition, if your Ministry or the muggle government attempts to force you under someone's guardianship again those people who have just been sent an owl in response to your test will have first choice. I would need to reference the files to be certain who exactly the individuals are but that can be done later. Your status as an adult has been confirmed by the ancient magical ritual braiser that the wizards call the Goblet of Fire. In the eyes of the Goblin Nation its declaration of adulthood is irrevocable. Due to the fact we were unable to reach you and begin the training you earned Wand Duelist Master Flitwick will be assigned, in addition to his other duties, to correct that. The training is owed due by the slaying of the ancient monster which decimated four separate clans before being contained by Salazar Slytherin and turned into part of the Hogwarts defenses. While we were glad that it was no longer actively hunting our people it had still killed too many for us to be happy with letting it live. The other basic lessons and inclusion as a member of the clans were earned by summoning of the goblin sword to finally slay the beast. You have impressed us," the goblin king explained toothily.

"Thank you?" Harry offered uncertainly.

"He doesn't fall under wizard law any more does he?" Severus asked cautiously.

"No, and if he is denied anything that could be considered his birthright or as belonging to his clan and family _we_ get to go to _war_!" the goblin king smirked evilly.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Harry asked Severus flatly.

"A good thing for you but probably a bad thing for the rest of the wizarding world," Severus told him honestly.

"So am I still supposed to work off the hero list or am I supposed to work off the Evil Overlord list?" Harry murmured thoughtfully.

"If there is a warrior list in this series of lists you mentioned you might want to work off of that," the goblin king suggested. "Of course we will still be drilling you as a young member of our clan. Then again using other materials helps one learn the difference between what can kill you and what can kill your enemies. It will also help you know when it is acceptable to try to convert an enemy into an ally and when you must deal the killing blow without hesitation even unto the last of their people. Be mindful even the creator christian god, whom we acknowledge as ruler over our own dieties, sometimes ordered that an entire people be killed. He would not only order the death of the people down to the last woman and child but also the deaths of those creatures that belonged to them. There would also be the complete destruction and burning of all other fields and property. Our records tell us that to earn such though meant they had become worse than inferi, worse than Dementors. Instead they would be as wicked as _Demons_ with no hope of ever choosing repentance or have caused a similar level of offense."

"So there is such evil in which there is no point to give it a chance to act a second time. Dumbledore's second chances and greater good would only cause harm then. An honest choice to repent and accept the gifted sacrifice of the Prince of Peace," Harry murmured thoughtfully. "The Dursleys didn't want me to learn about anything that they didn't tell me but the local Pastor managed to tell me a bit about the bible and Jesus. I didn't understand why he sent the legion of demons into pigs to free the man or why they acted like he would destroy them with only a word when he was just healing and teaching everyone. I do know that the bible forbids really dark magic and divination but not magic as a whole. _Magic_ just has a warning of caution not to use it for harm and to think about god always when working with it and that _anyone_ can use magic. Like something infected or hurt the magic a long time ago making it unsafe for people to use it in any way they want."

"The Dark Faction is not entirely evil nor is the Light Faction entirely good. If you had been able to read the story of Adam and Eve you would know that because of a choice in the youth of our species every heart contains the knowledge of evil. Because of this each Human's actions, thoughts, and feelings must be controlled until the evil is stamped out. Human's rarely have that kind of self-control, which is why both honest repentance and the sacrifice of Jesus was necessary to aid with that. The first thing that the sacrifice did was end the need for an innocent animal to die to pay for each and every time we slip or actively choose to do evil. The second was giving us the ability to go directly to god without needing someone to intervene on our behalf. A silent wordless plea or prayer will be heard even if the answer is no, not right now, or wait instead of yes," Severus explained softly.

"We acknowledge him as above us. He is to reign over all this world upon his return as King of Kings with authority granted by the Creator of all. A stupid choice by his first chosen people to attack the rightful crown prince of this world opened the path that all may accept the Prince's gift. We verified the christian bible before accepting it as both an accurate record and a message to those who would listen of course but it checked out, disturbingly so," the goblin king informed them. "No one is forced down the path of acceptance of the great gift but also no one is turned away even if other beings are too blind to see it."

"I will have to think about this," Harry told them seriously.

"On to other things then," the goblin king said, satisfied at explaining something so important to his newest clan member. They would talk for another four hours before taking a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ideas are welcome!


End file.
